Friday, December 5, 2014

The Elf On The Shelf...

I know a lot of people hate the Elf on the Shelf.

But I don't.

Granted, I think it's corny, and kind of weird, but I'll be damned if that elf doesn't make my kids behave better.

It's kind of a big deal.

I am the first to admit that the women who go like crazy over board and all, "top this," with their elves drive me insane.

I think those are the people that are MISSING THE FREAKING POINT.

Our kids are young for such a short amount of time, in our house, the Elf is about two things... 1) good behavior, and 2) MAGIC.

Let's inject some magic back into Christmas people.

Or, let's say we will and instead run down the stairs at 6 am and chuck that elf as hard as we can in any new direction and hope it doesn't land in the fireplace.

Yup, in our house we forget too.

Nine times out of ten I am the elf mover... and being that I am still nursing, I am up a few times a night to move that little guy around if I happen to forget before bed.

Last night was no different, and I found myself in the kitchen at 2:46 AM!!

Moving the elf!

Boyfriend, bless his cute little heart, he gets very nervous when the elf is within his reach.

Like his arms are just going to shoot out and grab that little guy by accident.

So I usually put our elf up high, but I am running out of freaking ideas.

And that's how I found myself cutting a hole in a box of fruit snacks, at 3 am, on a Friday morning, in my pajamas.

And then, because I was thinking it, I added a little note to my non-reading children:

A little nudge in the right direction never hurt anyone, right??

Thursday, December 4, 2014

She Said...

While walking Girlfriend into school today, a Grandmother was walking out with a baby in a carrier.

Girlfriend, never one to let a baby pass her by, stopped to peak in on the baby in his car seat...

After getting a good look, she looked up at the woman and exclaimed:

"Oh! I yuv your cute baby!! But mine is so much cuter."

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

This Is Motherhood

Last week, while the kids were MIRACULOUSLY watching a movie together and not fighting, I snuck out of the room to put some laundry away.

I had gone up and down the stairs a few times when I literally, tripped on a toy and fell face first into the room.

Like... in front of the TV, I just face planted... I probably flew directly in front of the TV.

I yelled. A four letter word.

I landed in a huge pile of toys and everything started binging, and singing, and making toy noises.

And do you know what those damn kids did?

They did nothing.

They didn't even move!!

When I pulled myself out of the pile of toys on the floor and sat up and looked at them their faces were still glued to the TV... mouths open, blank stares.

It was like something out of a movie... like here's Mom, taking care of ALL THE THINGS, and no one even freaking notices when she busts her ass right in the middle of a room.

So I'm all, "Don't worry, don't move, stay where you are, I'm totally fine.."

And do you know what those damn kids said?


They said, "Shhh!!!"

Motherhood is karma for how we acted in High School, I am sure of it.

And also... no one loves these stories more than my own Mother....

Whom I called the second I fell... I was all, "Mom... If you ever busted your ass in front of me and I didn't ask if you were okay... I'm sorry."

And she's all, "That's fine... are you okay?"

Proof that no one will ever care as much as our Mothers.

Friday, November 28, 2014

Beauty School Drop Out... Already.

My Girlfriend, that little pain in the neck...

When we put her to bed at night, she literally waits for us to close the door and then jumps out of bed and instantly starts roaming the halls.

I am in a new chapter of parenting these days, especially at 8 o'clock at night...

It's called, "As long as you aren't getting hurt, whatever you are doing is probably fine."

So we kind of let her get her books, or whisper around the corner to her brother, or whatever she's doing, as long as she isn't loud, or getting into trouble... she usually ends up passed out in her bed by 9:30.

Plus, how many times can one person scream get back in your bed without losing their mind?

This is the Mother of Three speaking, if you have been reading since I was a Mother of One you are probably like what the Hell happened to this woman.

Anyway... she ended up in my bathroom and got into my Self Tanner one night.

She's sneaky so she's very quiet when this stuff is happening.

I didn't realize it until she was getting ready for school the next morning and I'm all:

"Uhh... what's up with your feet, Doll?"

And she's all, "Nofing."

Oh, right, nofing.. you just look like you have a skin disease, no big deal.

The very next night, after we did the normal bedtime run around, I went to climb the stairs for bed, and there in front of me is a hunk of hair.

Now, I know damn well that I have only one child with long hair, but for some reason when I saw that hunk of hair I said, "((gasp)) Who cut their hair!!"

And there, at the top of the stairs, was my Girlfriend, who was all: "Not me!"

I reached for the railing, and climbed the stairs with my eyes closed.

If you've been reading for awhile you know I SCALPED my hair when I was three... so I was pretty much petrified that my baby was going to have a buzz cut.

By the time I reached Girlfriend she was all, "I'll show you where the rest of my hair is!"

It wasn't as bad as mine... but it was still a haircut.

She kinda gave herself a Justin Beiber bang do.

She was sobbing and I just couldn't help myself... I became that Mom that takes a picture of her kid while they cry.

I just had to do it, it was freaking funny.

She was like, "Baaaaahhhhh.... don't give me a boy hair cut!!! Bahhhhhhhh..... whose Dustin Beiber!!!!!??"


Wednesday, November 26, 2014

She Said...

Our Elf came back.

Boyfriend about lost his damn mind when he saw him perched up on our book shelf.

He was all, "WONKY WONK!! HE'S BACK! HE'S BACK!"

And from the bathroom, I hear Girlfriend scream, "WAIT FOR ME! I'M POOPING! WAIT FOR ME!"

Mind you, the girl has no clue what the Hell Boyfriend is talking about...

She was just over two last Christmas when Wonky Wonk came back, so she was basically just second hand excited... she really had no idea why she was happy.

Either way, she flew out of the bathroom and was instantly jumping up and down beside her brother screaming, "He's back! He's back!"

Her excitement, however, was short lived... when she realized exactly what Boyfriend was pointing at... she stopped jumping and dead panned him:

"That's a doll."

Her brother was all, "No it's not! He's magic!"

And she's like, "Nope. It's a doll. He's not real."

And with that... she was over it... she left the room, on to the next thing.

It was all I could do not to laugh at them.

She is so her cynical Father and he is so his over excited Mother.

Could be worse I guess!!

Update: Girlfriend is now excited about the Elf... she has no idea why, but she is.

Monday, November 10, 2014

Big Moves or.. Santa's Sneaky Surprise

If you've been reading for a long time... like, forever, then you may remember me talking about how we have rented out an in law apartment in our home for the past six years.

Which means, we have always shared a wall. Everyday that we have been here.

Can you just think about that for a minute?

Let it really sink in.

Think about your own life, with however many kids you have or don't have... and imagine SHARING A WALL... as in... always being careful not to be too loud, yell too much, be too crazy.

You get the idea.

Now that the kids are older... I am pretty damn tired of shushing everybody all the time.

Plus, I recently read this thing that said, "Let them be little..." And when I read it, my, "Mom Guilt," went into over drive...

Because for every minute that I let them, "be little," outside the house... I almost NEVER let them be little when they are near our "shared wall"... and that sucks for them.

I want them to have their own space to create, and relax, and learn... and also... I want all the toys in ONE PLACE.

So when our current tenant said that she has to move out we decided... alright, enough is enough, let's take back our house.

The very scary plan is to walk away from the added income, and reclaim that portion of our home as, our home.

Which it has never been for even one day since we have lived here.

We have never known our home to have it's full square footage, but we will soon.

Although we aren't 100% comfortable with the idea of no longer having that extra money every month, I am even more uncomfortable with having to interview tenants and a share a wall any longer.

The older the kids get, the less I like the idea.

And so... we have decided that Santa will bring a very low budget, "use-what-you've-got," play room.

I am absolutely 100% asking for your expertise in this area!! If you have a "toys only," play room.. PLEASE... tell me what works! And what is a cheap way to get it to function well for our kids!!

Our babies have never known a room that is exclusively for their toys, and instead have toys LITERALLY CRAMMED into every damn spare spot in our house.

But... Santa has spoken, and has suggested bean bag chairs, a wall mounted TV and all the cheap, second hand, toy storage he can get his hands on.

And so... for every single night of the month of December, if you need us... you'll find us quietly sneaking toys into the other side of our house, painting the walls, hanging window treatments... you name it.

And our sweet nosey little cherubs will never know, because we wont tell them that no one is living there.

On Christmas morning.... the plan... is to have big boot prints and Christmas Carols lead the way to a doorway in our home that has always been locked, and insulated with not one, but two doors.

Except on Christmas morning... I'm thinking ribbons... and Christmas lights hanging from the ceiling... maybe an art display and match box car storage.... old toys, new toys, long forgotten toys, wrapped toys, big toys, little toys.....

I honestly have NO IDEA where to begin to make this a functional room for all of us, but I am EXCITED to hear your ideas.

Annnnnnd..... lest I forget that reclaiming that part of our home will mean having my WASHER AND DRYER ON THE FIRST FLOOR... and a FULL EXTRA BATHROOM!!!

Annnnd... a HUMONGOUS CLOSET that has been hiding over there for year and years and is finally, about to become... all ours.

I mean... we might never move now. For real.

I can not wait, wait, wait.

We may be eating Ramen Noodles on Christmas Day.... but Gosh Darn it... our kids will be in a room just for them, full of all the toys in all the land and we... we... WE.....

Will not!!!!!!


At least.... I hope it will be.

Friday, October 24, 2014

Thunder Thighs & Bow Ties

Sometimes I come across a product that I just love so much that if I had the money, I'd buy it for all of you.


You all know that I am a sucker for all things photo shooty with my kids.

I love to find the perfect setting, the perfect adorable outfit, perfect backdrop... you name it, I like it.

But sometimes, let's be honest, kids can be a real pain in the ass when we want to take their pictures.

So, when I found these cool, like, ingenious bow ties that just SNAP ON AND OFF A ONESIE for Boo to wear for a photo shoot...

I was all... I need to tell my people!

I need to tell the world!

There is an easier way to take baby boy bow tie photos... it does not involve clasping, and unclasping... or pulling onesies on and off...

It's as simple as snap snap.... seriously.

The deal is, for the littlest ones anyway, you buy a onesie with snaps and then buy a few bow ties to go with it.

It's all super affordable too... For real you can trust this bargain babe on that one.

No one paid me to say this, I was just that happy with how easily and quickly this whole process went that I wanted to tell you all about this adorable little company that I found that makes... you guessed it, adorable little bow ties.

Lennon And Co. can be found on Etsy, and Instagram, and is currently having a sale... (save 20% on orders of $10 or more using code STUFFING20, ends 11/9).

Again, no one told me to tell you how much I love their stuff, I just think it's a cool product, and would make a great baby gift.

It was literally SECONDS in between bow ties... it took my friend longer to put out the new set than it did for me to change his bow ties, and we all know with babies and photos, every second counts.

See how much my guys love their stuff??

Boyfriend is wearing a clip on "Big Kid," bow tie to match Boo... I know.

When I found out that Lennon And Co will pretty much make anything you can dream of, I knew I had to have a hairbow for my Girlfriend.

Kids in matching outfits leave me dead on the floor from cuteness.


Check them out, they are cheap, and easy to change in and out... what's better than that?!

You're welcome!!!

**Special thanks to JCole Photography for always taking such great pictures of my monsters.


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